When we hear the term “secure attachment,” most of us immediately think about how we connect with others, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or with our parents. But there’s another, equally important side to attachment that often goes unnoticed: how we relate to ourselves.
At Behr Psychology, we help clients not just build stronger relationships with others, but also develop a secure, compassionate relationship with themselves. This inner connection influences emotional regulation, self-worth, and mental resilience. And just like in external relationships, secure attachment with yourself can be learned and strengthened over time.
Secure attachment forms in early life when caregivers consistently meet a child’s emotional needs. Children raised with this kind of care typically grow up feeling safe, confident, and emotionally balanced. According to attachment theory, this foundation sets the tone for how we connect with others and ourselves.
While early experiences are important, they don’t define your future. Even if you didn’t grow up with secure attachment, it’s entirely possible to develop what’s called earned secure attachment through therapy and intentional self-work.
We are in relationship with ourselves every moment of every day—through our thoughts, our emotions, and the way we treat our bodies. That internal relationship, whether supportive or critical, impacts everything from how we manage stress to how we pursue goals and form relationships.
People with insecure internal attachment often struggle with self-criticism, feel unworthy unless they’re productive or helpful to others, ignore their emotional needs to avoid discomfort or conflict, and/or experience anxiety or burnout from overachieving or perfectionism.
These behaviors aren’t flaws, they’re adaptations that likely developed in response to past emotional wounds. But while these patterns may have helped you survive at one time, they can hold you back from truly thriving.
Healing your relationship with yourself means learning to show up for yourself consistently, even when life feels uncertain or difficult. When we work with clients on internal attachment, we often focus on cultivating these core qualities:
These qualities aren’t about being perfect. They’re about creating an inner environment that feels safe, responsive, and emotionally available—just like a securely attached caregiver would provide for a child.
The journey toward secure self-attachment can be challenging—but you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy offers a supportive, non-judgmental space where you can explore your attachment history and how it impacts your inner dialogue. You can also learn emotion regulation tools that calm your nervous system; reframe unhelpful beliefs about yourself; practice self-compassion in real time; and build trust in your own voice, needs, and experiences.
Secure attachment isn’t just something we find in relationships—it’s something we create within ourselves. And when you build that secure base internally, everything else in life begins to shift. You feel more grounded, more empowered, and more connected to who you really are.
At Behr Psychology, our compassionate therapists are trained in attachment-focused and trauma-informed care. Whether you’re recovering from past relational wounds or just feeling stuck in cycles of self-doubt, we’re here to help.
You can become your own safe haven. Schedule your free consultation today and start building secure attachment from the inside out.
